I *warned* you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you *knew*, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little *bunny*, isn't it? ~ Monty Python and the Holy Grail
I've been told on more than a few occasions that I'm larger than life. Not only in size but in personality. Ask any number of my friends and they'll use the words, 'flamboyant', 'effervescent', 'bouncy' and 'bubbly'. By many accounts, I'm fun fun fun but there's a dark side to it too. If I'm honest, I'm also overwhelming, flashy and at times, loud and irritating.
So, I've taken to warning people, particularly men who are intrigued by me, that I'm not for the faint of heart.
It's not even a matter of 'wimps need not apply'. You pretty much have to be of very sound mind and preferably sound body to keep up with me (but the catch-22 is you have to be a little crazy so it's kinda like playing a game of duck-duck-goose by yourself) and like Monty Python's bunny, appearances can be very deceiving except for the flash of a devious twinkle or smirk which, unless you're very quick yourself, you'll likely miss while tripping over yourself to impress me. You don't need to, by the way. If I talk to you for more than five minutes, I'm already impressed.
If you think I take pride in this, I don't. It's an albatross around my neck, yet another prick in my own crown of thorns fashioned entirely on my own (and decorated with sparkles, pink glitter, feathers and Swarovski crystals cos I'm classy like that.) The truth is, I don't even know how bad I am until I look back on it not unlike when you have to rewind a movie you've been dying to watch because that loudmouth in the room keeps talking during the best parts. And by the way, the loudmouth is me too.
The thing is when I warn someone, especially a male someone, it's as if I issued a challenge they're compelled to accept. The more competitive the person, the more of an affront it will be. Like my girls singing Bootylicious, "I don't think you're ready for this jelli..." uh yeah...no...I don't think they get it. They think they can but I saw them lagging behind and I saw the writing on the wall and it hurt because I was honest. I was me. Eventually they'd call me crazy or a bitch or pretend they weren't interested when the truth was they thought they were up for the challenge and weren't. Mayne they didn't think it was worth it. I could respect that. Maybe they were cowards. I don't respect that but I accept it. What choice do I have?
Is it possible I'm all the things they say or think or convince themselves I am or am not? Oh hell yeah, but I warned them.
Elaine...you pretty much know what I've been dealing with and that this hits home for me in several ways, too. While you and I are very different in several ways, I can be hard to take and difficult to understand, so when I find someone who sticks around after breaking through the surface, I'm impressed and hold those people close. More often than not, though, they run and hide or make excuses, as you say, and those I do hold close become that much more shiny and pretty and valuable.
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