Friday, November 19, 2010

The Love Letters of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

     Every love letter I ever wrote (I think there were five) has ended in humiliation, horror and probably hilarity.  I don't know what possessed me but I know that once the eyes for which they were intended read them, GAME OVER. It's like a jinx with a Groundhog Day twist.  I knew EXACTLY what was going to happen but I'm forced to relive it over and over again until I forgot what it tastes like and try it AGAIN, not unlike the yearly unveiling of THE NEW McRIB (IS BACK) (BUT IT'S NEW) (KINDA) (JUST BUY ONE DAMMIT YOU'LL PROBABLY LIKE IT) (OR NOT BUT AT LEAST WE'LL HAVE YOUR MONEY) I fall for it every time and walk away wondering what the hell is wrong with me. I feel the same way about corn dogs. <muses>

There's plenty wrong but I'm not unusual or unique in that respect. There's also plenty right. Be warned that with every new post I'll probably trot out my Greek chorus of friends singing my praises wondering what the hell is wrong with people when it's very simply, nothing. We're all human. I'm not being magnanimous either. It hurts like hell. I'm STILL licking my wounds but at least the pile of Raspberry Zinger wrappers on the coffee table has stopped growing and threatening to engulf my cat Wonton who likes to roll around in its crinkly creamy scented cloud.

It's easy to attract and be attracted. A lot less easy to feel the same way about each other and even less to put up with each other's 'stuff'.  Is love any more about embracing all the good, amazing and inspiring than putting up with all the crap that's hanging out like an overstuffed suitcase? And what if you say, "Okay, I'm game. I'll see your laziness, temper and moodiness and raise you anxiety, clinginess and rejection and they look at their hand and go, "I fold," and walk away?  You sit there with your cards (or snack-cake wrappers) in your hand wondering, "Wait....WHAT?" and realize that you have to leave cos Happy Hour is over and you don't even have a stinkin' buzz.

The funny thing is that I know I'll write another love letter. Oh right now, I swear I won't. I'm saying, 'Fuck that shit. I'm done" but I'm not wired that way. I gots feelings and when I feels them I really feel them. I wish I didn't run off my mouth or fingers or pen as much but that's part of my charm too. I guess.

I'm just too Mary Freakin' Sunshine to lay down and die.  If I'm gonna humiliate myself, it's gotta be with style and class. Okay, maybe just style. Love me or leave me, you'll never forget me because now you have written proof in the form of a letter. You're welcome.

As Bugs Bunny would say, "Exit, Stage Left."

6 comments:

  1. I WON'T HUMILIATE MYSELF, BUT I WON'T LAY DOWN AND DIE EITHER...I DON'T NEED A MAN IN MY LIFE TO VALIDATE MY EXISTANCE. IF I NEED A SHOULDER TO CRY ON, SOMEONE TO JUST TALK TO, GO TO A MOVIE WITH, GO OUT FOR A DRINK...ETC, I HAVE A FEW FRIENDS WHO CAN FILL THAT ROLE.
    AS FOR SEX, MY LIBIDO AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE (AH, TO BE 20 AGAIN)...SO I GET BY WITH A LITTLE "SELF SERVICE" EVERY ONCE IN A BLUE MOON. IF I HAPPEN TO BE FEELING PARTICULARLY RANDY, I STILL HAVE SOME OF MY SEXUAL WILES LEFT...AT LEAST TO GET SOMEONE TO GET ME THROUGH THE EVENING AND THEN BE DONE WITH HIM.
    MUCH EASIER THAT WAY, NO NAMES, NO NUMBERS, NO "HOW COME YOU DIDN'T CALL" OR "WHO WAS THAT GUY YOU WERE TALKING TOO ?" WHO THE HELL NEEDS IT.
    I'VE HAD THREE LOVES IN MY LIFE. I LOST ONE TO AIDS, ANOTHER BECAUSE HE TURNED OUT TO BE A LYING, CHEATING, PIG-DOG MAN AND THE LAST BECAUSE HE WAS NEGATIVE AND I WAS POSATIVE AND HE JUST COULDN'T HANDLE IT, ALTHOUGH HE TRIED, BLESS HIS HEART. WE EVEN TRIED TO STAY FRIENDS, BUT THERE WERE STILL JUST TOO MANY EMOTIONS AND IT DIDN'T WORK.
    SO NOW I SAY TO HELL WITH ROMANCE AND DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS...GIVE ME MY FRIENDS, SOME XANAX AND THE OCCASIONAL FEW COCKTAILS.

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  2. Ah, the hindsight of 20/20 mixed in with a dose of 'whatev's all stirred with that rapier-tongued wit we enjoy you for. You have to write, to not write is to give up hope, this time it will be different. And we all know you don't give up that easily.

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  3. Elaine, You are a wonderful woman. A morsel to be enjoyed for all your worth. <3 you.

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  4. I've never written a love letter. I always fear being humiliated generally but with a love letter the world now has written proof that I'm a jackass who writes lousy gothic poetry. Saying something to them face to face is better because you can always deny everything when confronted by people who hear about it, and people always hear about it. That being said, you are miles ahead of the game.

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  5. You know the death of your relationship is near when the poems you wrote for your love go from being framed or displayed prominently in their home to becoming MIA. I guess I use poetry as love letters; with usually the same results. That is why it is easier for me to write poetry for people and never let them see it, or wait years before I reveal it to them. I have never received one myself, but I imagine that if I ever do, I would love for it to be from someone as talented, kind, classy, beautiful, and all around awesome woman like you.

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